What's the one thing stopping you from doing what you want, from achieving those things that you only think about at night, in the dark, when you know for sure that no one else can see or hear the reality of your desires?
Probably you, and Richard Branson agrees. The one thing stopping you from living out your inner most, wildest desires, is you.
It can be confronting and overwhelming to actively pursue your goals; as if someone entered you into a Fear Factor competitions without your consent, and suddenly you're buried up to your neck in a horrifying form of beetle trying to recite the chronological order of England's monarchists in order to escape. Thankfully, both reality TV and ambition are optional pursuits.
The Kiwi mentality is a good one, we are down-to-earth, hard working, easy-going and friendly; we are always ready to lend a hand and will give anything a go. We are progressive and thoughtful; we were the first to let women vote, the first to legalise gay marriage and we even let a woman from Gore rule the country. We are nothing if not open-minded. But we are also afraid to put ourselves out there. It is not in the NZ mantra to step forward willingly or clap yourself on the back, we don't sing our own praises and we are terrible at accepting compliments. The last time someone told me I'd done something well, I apologised and baked them a cake. It was my mother.
I was recently living in America and they are our loud-talking, gum-chewing, unapologetic antithesis. We are sweet and obliging, afraid to make a scene, while they can be outspoken and confident, unashamedly honest. They tell it like it is, including their ambitions, what they want to do with their life and how they're going to get there. Their certainties made me feel lost, and intimidated. They had just told me all their plans, what they were going, what they wanted - isn't that taboo? Don't we keep those things to ourselves in case they don't work out?
There was one time years ago when I told a friend I was going to go for a run, and then meet her for dinner afterwards. I got so distracted by doing other things (there was probably a great episode of The O.C. on) that I didn't have time to go for the run. I turned up to dinner and when she asked me how my run was out of politeness, I freaked, lied and told her it was fine. I couldn't own up to the fact that I said I was going to do something and I didn't. Not going for a run wasn’t intentional and it certainly didn’t matter to her whether I went or not, yet I couldn’t face telling her that I didn’t follow through with my plan. And here were my American friends doing the same thing, on a much larger scale! I was listening along thinking, you just told me you want to be a doctor? A doctor! What if it doesn't work out? What if you can’t get into a course? What if your grades aren’t good enough? There's so many uncertainties that can be prevent this from happening!
But these questions were really mine. General questions I asked myself constantly. I was more than happy to confidently ascertain my goals in my head, but telling others was a no. I was passionate about my plans, I was actively working towards them and had even written them down in a little notebook I often kept on me with steps I needed to take. I was not shy in admitting to myself what I wanted, but telling others wasn’t an option. It would come across bashful, conceited, self-centred. Making outward steps forward to ensure these goals became a reality was not necessary, or was it? If I couldn't even tell others what I wanted, how could I actually go ahead and do it?
Being around Americans and their reversed sense of ideals (at least to me) was fascinating. The NZ mentality of being bashful was seen as strange, almost cowardly. The strength and surety my U.S. friends showed was eye opening to me. Like the obsession my 10 year old self had with buying a furby, I was completely drawn in to this new confident, proud way of thinking. Was talking about ambition out loud part of the success in making their dream a reality? By confiding in others were we cementing our goals more firmly and thus holding ourselves accountable to making things happen? If I told myself I was going to do something and then I didn’t, of course I could make up ample excuses for why it didn’t happen! I am an expert at lying to myself and I am also completely gullible; tricking myself would be no problem. But lying to others? That wasn’t something I wanted to get into the habit of. Ever.
A long-running internal conversation has been happening in my head since I was young enough to read. I was a sucker for words, even when I didn't know their meaning. Wonderfully strung words were like my drug; I always wanted more. I knew I wanted to write, but I was constantly nervous about putting my words into the world without anonymity. People could read my thoughts! My feelings! Writing is such a personal and vulnerable place, was I willing to let others, strangers, in? I had long known I wanted to write, but my outward attempts were feeble. I was scared.
Well, how Kiwi. This mind process was lost on my American friends. They’d call it “cute” with a smile reserved for a baby who regurgitated his pureed peas. But it's not cute, its simply who we are. We refrain from putting ourselves out there for fear we'll be seen as arrogant, or conceited, or dare I say it, confident. As if willing ourselves forward could in some way be taking the position of someone else, stealing another person's opportunity. What makes us think we deserve success over someone else?
Well I think as a nation we need a new mantra. The world is large and the spaces are endless; by striving forward we are not preventing another's success, we are helping it. Providing an example, showing hope, displaying the outcome of perseverance for others to follow. There is never "too much" unless it's a substance with warning labels on the bottle. There is always room for more music, more movies, more education, more businesses; we need to stop limiting ourselves. We need a mantra of opportunity. A mantra of confidence. By being honest and focused, it doesn’t mean we can’t be kind, thoughtful and selfless. It certainly doesn't mean that we are limiting the opportunities of others. With the right mind set, we can create something wonderful. By writing this, I'm attempting to create mine. Listen to the Branson, "be out there", and don't think twice.
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